Tales from Teaching

So I have a dear friend, Lindsey, who has been writing little tales from her experience as a middle school teacher in an all boys school. Once she completes one, she sends it to me. They are short and hilarious. (She could publish a book.) Being a teacher is a lot like being a comedian except you don't have to work to get your material, it just falls in your lap. When Keith and I were first married, I could often entertain him with my endless amounts of funny material I picked up while at work. Well here is a sample. Names have been altered for protection :)

I was pregnant with my first child. I was VERY pregnant. It was the beginning of December. We were nearing my due date, Christmas, and a long awaited break. I was puffy, round, uncomfortable, and wearing maternity clothes that barely held it all together. Let's face it, I was a blimp. On this balmy, December morning, I stood in front of my classroom and gave my darling freshman students a writing prompt. That is what we English teachers do. We give prompts so students have a chance to write down thoughts. After I had given the prompt, I asked students to share their experiences and writing with their table groups. Up from the back, a hand emerges. It was the hand of Carlos. You see Carlos never raised his hand, and was often off-task. He took a lot of redirection, to put it mildly. I called on Carlos, Lord only knows what he was going to share, but I took a chance.
"Yes, Carlos. Question?" I said.
"Ya, I was wondering when you start getting erections, what is going to happen if you are teaching class?"
"Excuse me? When I get what?" I sputtered.
"You know, erections before the baby comes." Said the all too confident Carlos.
I just smiled, then said, "You mean contractions?"
Then, the rest of the class caught one. They are freshman, what can I say. Laughter. Red faces. Priceless.

You can't make this stuff up. Seriously. Comedy just falls in your lap when you teach.

Now that I am an online teacher, I thought my days of comedy were over. Boy was I wrong. The mode of teaching is different, but the students are still the same. Here is my latest comedy sketch. Again, you can't make this stuff up.

I was teaching class in my online classroom. All the students were chatting away and we were reading a story. See in the online world you have chat and lessons and audio and webpages going all at once. It can be quite an experience. Anyway, I was reading "Young Goodman Brown" by Nathaniel Hawthorn. We were running out of time, as always, so I was trying to speed things along. I began to read the last paragraph faster. While I was speedily wrapping up the story, I look over to see the chat box. You have to keep an eye for behavior issues even in the online classroom. I noticed a comment a student made.
"Mrs. Hill is raping this story."
Upon seeing this comment I immediately called attention to the student and replied, "What in the world is that supposed to mean?  I was raping the story? That is hardly appropriate."
Another student chimed in and said, "I think he meant rapping."
"Wow. This just got awkward." Piped another student.
We pretty much decided that the importance of spelling was crucial in the online classroom. We had to move on. I bet the face on that kid was priceless. Too bad we were online. I would have loved to see his reaction. Great times.

Tales from teaching is a new blog topic I will experiment with as the stories present themselves.

Thanks for reading.