Tales from Teaching

So I have a dear friend, Lindsey, who has been writing little tales from her experience as a middle school teacher in an all boys school. Once she completes one, she sends it to me. They are short and hilarious. (She could publish a book.) Being a teacher is a lot like being a comedian except you don't have to work to get your material, it just falls in your lap. When Keith and I were first married, I could often entertain him with my endless amounts of funny material I picked up while at work. Well here is a sample. Names have been altered for protection :)

I was pregnant with my first child. I was VERY pregnant. It was the beginning of December. We were nearing my due date, Christmas, and a long awaited break. I was puffy, round, uncomfortable, and wearing maternity clothes that barely held it all together. Let's face it, I was a blimp. On this balmy, December morning, I stood in front of my classroom and gave my darling freshman students a writing prompt. That is what we English teachers do. We give prompts so students have a chance to write down thoughts. After I had given the prompt, I asked students to share their experiences and writing with their table groups. Up from the back, a hand emerges. It was the hand of Carlos. You see Carlos never raised his hand, and was often off-task. He took a lot of redirection, to put it mildly. I called on Carlos, Lord only knows what he was going to share, but I took a chance.
"Yes, Carlos. Question?" I said.
"Ya, I was wondering when you start getting erections, what is going to happen if you are teaching class?"
"Excuse me? When I get what?" I sputtered.
"You know, erections before the baby comes." Said the all too confident Carlos.
I just smiled, then said, "You mean contractions?"
Then, the rest of the class caught one. They are freshman, what can I say. Laughter. Red faces. Priceless.

You can't make this stuff up. Seriously. Comedy just falls in your lap when you teach.

Now that I am an online teacher, I thought my days of comedy were over. Boy was I wrong. The mode of teaching is different, but the students are still the same. Here is my latest comedy sketch. Again, you can't make this stuff up.

I was teaching class in my online classroom. All the students were chatting away and we were reading a story. See in the online world you have chat and lessons and audio and webpages going all at once. It can be quite an experience. Anyway, I was reading "Young Goodman Brown" by Nathaniel Hawthorn. We were running out of time, as always, so I was trying to speed things along. I began to read the last paragraph faster. While I was speedily wrapping up the story, I look over to see the chat box. You have to keep an eye for behavior issues even in the online classroom. I noticed a comment a student made.
"Mrs. Hill is raping this story."
Upon seeing this comment I immediately called attention to the student and replied, "What in the world is that supposed to mean?  I was raping the story? That is hardly appropriate."
Another student chimed in and said, "I think he meant rapping."
"Wow. This just got awkward." Piped another student.
We pretty much decided that the importance of spelling was crucial in the online classroom. We had to move on. I bet the face on that kid was priceless. Too bad we were online. I would have loved to see his reaction. Great times.

Tales from teaching is a new blog topic I will experiment with as the stories present themselves.

Thanks for reading.

Goodbye Letter to Topeka

Dear Topeka,

I have had a hard time believing we are leaving Topeka, not because I saw myself staying here forever or I grew up here or something, but it was comfortable. It was home. It was where my son took his first steps. It was where my daughter took her first breath of life. It was where Keith and I grew to love each other more deeply through life's trials, where we grew as parents, where we had a church home with some pretty cool friends. It wasn't until today, that I realized, I am leaving. Tomorrow. I leave Topeka tomorrow. We move not only our things, but our life. We can't take the people who have shaped us. And it was today, I was reminded of how lucky and blessed we have been here even if I can't see what is ahead. I have my best friend by my side and God's hand as my guide.

I am sad to leave, to be honest. I am sad because I had some pretty sweet people in my life. I had a great running friend, a good friend in Christ. I will miss you. You know who you are. I had some friendships that dwindled, but there are no regrets and always fond remembrances. You also know who you are.

I will be leaving Topeka, holding sweet memories in my heart. Times I grew as person, a wife, and mother.

Here's to new beginnings, new adventures, and hopefully our journey will be just as blessed as it has been here.

Love you Topeka; Love you friends. Time was never wasted here.

Take time to enjoy where you are... and invest in what you have in this moment.

Trusting God with our future.

I will see you on the flip!

Candice

Moby and I are Best Friends

I have a Moby wrap. It is an obnoxiously long piece of fabric that I gave up on once Calla was a about 3 months old. Well, in desperation to get my floors cleaned while soothing a screaming-at-the-highest-decibel-possible baby I once again pulled it out from hiding and watched a YouTube video refresher for the best way to position the baby and tried it again. To my surprise, baby Calla was knocked out in seconds. I actually was able to scrub the floors, on hands and knees mind you, and vacuum all while she was sleeping. SLEEPING NOT SCREAMING. I can now say I know how the Natives felt baby wearing while working. It really does work. I am now wearing Calla pretty much all day. It keeps her content, and I can still get ish done. Not fashionable you say, non-sense. I say this is the new Chihuahua trend. Soon to hit red carpets everywhere. Only kidding. Babies should not be accessories. Let's be serious. Ha.  

I Gave Up

As you know, I took the challenge to blog every day in July. Well, let's just say I failed. I quit the week of my birthday for various reasons. First, I was tired of the topics. Too personal. Discuss struggles? No thanks. Second, that week I was wrapping up finals for my on-line classes and prepping for our upcoming training that was in Manhattan the following week. Not too mention I have a demanding 5 month old and a rambunctious 2 year old. Exhausting to say the least. No time. I was a busy girl. Now that I have a lull in my schedule, (on-line classes pick back up on the 12th) I decided to write and confess that I fell short on the challenge but I am not giving up blogging. So, my plan is to post weekly. Give you all an update of my new schedule as I balance being a mom of two and teaching from home. Should be interesting.
Thanks for not judging me too harshly.

Day 14: Ten Things That Make Me Happy

This is in no particular order, but here are 10 things that make me happy.

1. Spending time with God, reading his word, and praying. This is when I feel most peaceful and satisfied.
2. When Calla does her morning stretches and her coos and smiles. Just holding her and looking at her make me so full of love and happiness.
3. When Chip surprises me with a kiss and a "bear hug."
4. Laying in bed with my son, Chip, in the morning as he is waking up. He smells sleepy and he is warm. It is one of my favorite moments in my day.
5. When Keith and I sit together, alone, and talk. He is my best friend and sharing life with him makes me happy. I love our time together.
6. Christmas. Anything Christmas. Songs, presents, trees, food... Make me happy.
7. Running outside. Something about being outside. Looking at the sky. I love the feeling I get after too.
8. Nap time. When the house is quiet and I can curl up on the couch with a book. Pure joy.
9. My two favorite treats: Coffee and coffee dates at Starbucks or ice cream and ice cream dates at DQ.
10. Clean house- no dishes in the sink, vacuum lines in the carpet, tile sparkling, bathrooms cleaned. I just love for things to feel clean. Then I can relax.

Day 13: Public Apology

 To thine own self be true - William Shakespeare, Hamlet

I would like to apologize for not always being true to myself. Sometimes I do things to please others, and I end up over-committed, stressed, and an overall disappointment to myself and others. Or sometimes I fall into the pressures of focusing on things that aren't important because others around me are focusing on those things: vanity, materialism, mother-of-the-year, etc. One of the lessons I am learning currently is that peer pressure can go both ways. Standing up for what you believe may feel lonely, or you may lose friends, but there is always someone watching you that may be influenced by your actions. Peer pressure doesn't have to be negative, and it most certainly doesn't have to go with the crowd. I need to stay true to myself and let what is important to me guide my decisions not because I feel I have to, or someone will be mad at me if I don't. I am too old to play the popular game. I am sorry I haven't always been true to myself. I have fallen into the trap of doing things that I shouldn't for all the wrong reasons. It has left nothing but regret and wasted time. That is not how I want to live my life. So what I am going to do is try to be more conservative with my time. More honest with myself and others about how I feel, and press on. Don't fall into the pressures of others. Be true to yourself.

Day 12: What do you miss?

Robyn and I before Prom. Junior Year?

The prompt for day 12, yes I am behind, is what do you miss? Since it is summer, there is one thing that comes to mind. I miss Robyn Turnovsky (Seipel) and spending time with her at her pool. Robyn and I grew up together. Not in the same house, but as neighbors. She was my first friend. From birth, we grew up next door to one another. Although our fights were epic, we loved each other. To this day, I love Robyn. Some of that is met with regret for the time and distance between us, but she is one person I know would take me in at my worst, and I would do the same for her. She is someone I trust and love as a sister. Her family, was my family. Her fridge was my fridge. :) There were many times I ate over there. The best part of my childhood would be our summer days. We would spend all day by the pool. Robyn always the lobster the first few weeks, and me the one with too much sun oil. (Her dad did not like us to wear oil. Sorry Jim.) Our summer days were priceless. Robyn's friendship shaped me as a person. She was always honest and dependable. I would do anything to go back for one more day and sit with her by the pool... eat Sunchips, drink a soda, and lay on a raft. That is what I miss the most right now. Ah, to be young again.